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lyrics

As I was shaving my hairy toes
I felt something attack my nose
I nearly gagged upon the smell
An odour from the arse of hell
My wife and kids ate all me beans
Til they were bursting at the seams
From their bums a great explosion
Caused a storm of foul corrosion

I lost my temper I lost it quick
I lost control and I was sick
My eyes were streaming, my lungs in pain
From my family’s hurricane

Once they’d popped they couldn’t stop
Jets of air that smelled of plop
They blew the pictures off the walls
And potted all me snooker balls
They turned the milk, they soured the cream
Honestly, it was obscene
They killed the mice and the parakeet
They even broke the toilet seat

I lost my mind, I lost my head
Another blast and I lost my bed
Around me scenes of much confusion
Nothing could stop the arse extrusion

I stuck my head under the sink
To find something to stop the stink
I held my nose, I held my breath
I very nearly choked to death
When I returned I did despair
My family floated in the air
Borne aloft on noxious fumes
They jetted off around the room

I lost me finger, I lost me thumb
Trying to cork me lover’s bum
I got one in, it went awry
She shot it out into my eye

I was blind, I couldn’t see
My eye fell out upon my knee
My wife let off with such a force
A wall collapsed and killed the horse
All of a sudden I heard a roar
My wife had blown off through the door
She flew headfirst through the window
Where she went I’ll never know

I lost my eye, I lost my horse
I lost my lover too of course
On top of that, additionally
I lost my fucking dignity

My daughter knocked me off my feet
With the gas she did excrete
She departed as she farted
And flew away to lands uncharted
My son shot up and disappeared
Plaster fell around my ears
A final burst he did expel
And smashed right through the roof as well

I lost my son I lost my daughter
I hope they landed in some water
My heart filled up with despair
My lungs were gasping for some air

I knew some action I must take
It was then I made a grave mistake
I lit a match to clear the fumes
The neighbouring village heard the booms
Now they call me Crispy Tom
My wife and kids and house are gone
Save your beans to buy some food
But never eat those damn legumes

I lost my beans, I lost my wife
I lost my house, my kids, my life
Now my future’s full of pain
From the Linton Hurricane

credits

from I Suppose You Could Call It Music - The Gamma Radio Album, released April 6, 2020
Words by Rob Harrison and Paul Chetty
Music by Rob Harrison

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Gamma Radio Swansea, UK

Gamma Radio is a Post Nuclear Comedy podcast set in the ruins of Great Britland. These post apocalyptians are a musical bunch, and here we display their finest wares.

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