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The Legend of Simon Borg - Loony Trousers

from I Suppose You Could Call It Music - The Gamma Radio Album by Gamma Radio

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lyrics

A long time ago - right before the Big Bangs
He was a squishy person just like you
He sneezed so hard his skeleton flew out of his nose
But all those crazy scientists knew what to do
They put his brain inside a body made of metal
And then replaced his skin with neoprene
They gave him laser eyes and giant pogo stick legs
But they couldn’t change the fact that his mind was obscene

I’m better off in a robot body
You’re better off in a robot body
Gargle cement in your robot body
Make girders bent in a robot body
Punch through a tree with my robot body
I don’t have to wee with my robot body
I’m better off in a robot body
We’re all better off as machines

He’s wandered the wastes for over two hundred years
Getting drunk on engine oil
He has a predilection for mechanical things
In his wake he leaves rusty tractors despoiled
He can’t remember love because he hasn’t got glands
Even though his looks can kill
He does the best he can with his titanium hands
And had his penis replaced with a pneumatic drill

I’m better off in a robot body
You’re better off in a robot body
Got no pubic hair on my robot body
So I wear wig there on my robot body
You can fuck JCBs in a robot body
No venereal disease in a robot body
I’m better off in a robot body
We’re all better off as machines

I don’t know who I am at all any more
I am a noble can despite my many flaws
Stop calling me the Tin of Spam I am
Drinking oil every night to forget but yet
Sometimes I want to end my life inside this shell
Find an opener of tins and get me out and about
You say I’m as mad as a dog in a cattery
You don’t know the pain of my overcharged battery

He has no emotions at least that’s what we think
He’s a bad man with no cares
He does as he pleases - spreading diseases
To the AI bots who download his software
So if you think you’ve seen him wandering out of the muck
You’d be wise to keep away
And never dress yourself up as a pick-up truck
Cos his programmed brain always skips the foreplay

I’m better off in a robot body
You’re better off in a robot body
Nuclear stuff in my robot body
Oiling it up - my robot body
You can plug into my robot body
Dripping with sin yeah my robot body
I’m jacking off in a robot body
We’re all better off as machines

credits

from I Suppose You Could Call It Music - The Gamma Radio Album, released April 6, 2020
Words by Rob Harrison and Paul Chetty
Music by Rob Harrison

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Gamma Radio Swansea, UK

Gamma Radio is a Post Nuclear Comedy podcast set in the ruins of Great Britland. These post apocalyptians are a musical bunch, and here we display their finest wares.

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